Luxury Bar Owners Gets City Permission To Run An Exclusive Resort Tropical Anomaly On A Canal St. Lot That’s Maintained And Nourished By Siphoning Public Emergency Water From A Fire Hydrant

030Ummm, no. Oh, hell no.

Manhattan, New York

On the border of Soho and Tribeca, high end real estate burgs occupied with a diverse population of multi-millionaires ranging from the fields of entertainment, media, investment and illicit capital and of course real estate, an actual oasis lush with tropical potted plants and palm trees materialized in a usually abandoned gravel lot. A thing called Gitano opened up by one of the busiest traffic intersections in the city on Canal St. This bar/restaurant and modern gilded age bizarro world concept came from the minds of two rich party dudes and is derived from and named after an establishment they run in a luxury vacation jungle in Mexico.

It also came with the approval for some reason by the Community Board and rubber stamped by your city of New York.

According to an incredulous article by the Tribeca Citizen:

The other day, this flyer caught my eye: The vacant lot at the northeast corner of Varick and Canal has been the site of many interesting temporary endeavors (most recently an aborted outpost of Smorgasburg), and a “Community Garden style space” seemed an unlikely, but welcome, addition. Alas, I had already missed the meeting. When I asked Community Board 2 for more info, I assumed they thought I was talking about something else, because they kept saying that the matter was now in front of the State Liquor Authority. Why would a “Community Garden style space,” especially one involving the City-As-School high school, need a liquor license?

Gitano, as it will be called, will be a “fully outdoor tropical garden jungle style restaurant similar to the Principals current operation in Tulum, Mexico; this will include a Mexican restaurant and bar with one main operator Grupo Gitano, LLC with a partner retail store and a partner coffee/café; there will also be a meditation circle/reflecting pool area on the southerly portion of the lot for restaurant and coffee patrons and a separately accessed community garden styled area growing herbs and vegetables with an educational component for schools and non-profit groups in the southeast corner; alcohol service and consumption will be limited to the Restaurant and Bar area only […] The restaurant and bar area will be primarily seasonally operated May to November in 2018 and 2019 only.”

“The open gravel lot is roughly 23,465 square feet, surrounded by a fence and will be improved with temporary structures, plumbing, running water and electricity among other improvements; the interior of the lot will include many large lush tropical styled plants […] which will be brought in for each season and removed in the off season to warmer climates; the north central portion of the lot along Grand Street will house a the partner coffee area with 11 tables and 30 seats; the northeast corner will be the ‘back of house’ servicing area with fully plumbed toilets, refrigerated storage areas, a finishing kitchen; dry goods storage and garbage area; the bulk of the premises is the restaurant and central bar area which is rectangular in shape spreading east to west located in the center northern portion of the lot which is accessed through the primary entrance which is set back from Grand Street; in the restaurant bar area there are five separate seating areas, some fully covered and some located on wood platforms and some on crushed granite; there will be 400 table seats including banquet seating and 100 tables, there are 30 bar stools at the bar; the Southern portion of the premises will have a meditation circle in the Southwest corner, a reflecting pool in the center and a community garden styled area in the Southeast area.”

Sounds interesting if you like into this sort of stuff, which are easily available all over the city and the boroughs of Brooklyn and Queens close to the bridges. But this absolutely not inviting, for this paradise is durably cloaked two times over with black mesh. It all depends on what community you’re from. Examples like being a single working mom or the actor that played Liz Lemon’s boyfriend.





Neat, huh. But this ain’t nothing compared to what the community minded entrepreneur and LLC collective running this fake ass oasis describes as plumbing improvements to the vibrant lot.

Check out this fucking tank just barely exposed and sticking out above the fence!


…and look at the natural water source!042
What’s this little nozzle and hose poorly hidden under the gravel? So now you can see how these tropical trees and plants will survive away from their equatorial natural habitat. And who knows maybe they are filtering taxpaying city water to produce the ice for their creative artisan cocktails. It looks like these bozos were so caught up in their wild vibrant ideas that they couldn’t find a way to do even a half-assed job to obscure their little water preserver. And an essential device for the FDNY to prevent the spreading of a devastating, destructive, life endangering fire. Although the sun and the earth’s rotation does give them a hand casting a shadow on the incriminating hose. It might be safe to assume they just don’t give a shit because all those involved have a modicum of fame, as well as your fucking city because it’s dependent on all this lifestyle money as a source of funding for your civil and civic services.


This absurd theater is based on tons of bullshit. It’s curious to know who is on this community board to give the thumb’s up to this anomaly, does it consist of crass individuals from the restaurant and hospitality industries as well as immoral hedge funders and venture capital vultures? Why couldn’t Robert Dinero, Tribeca resident and film festival promoter tell these overpriced tapas and tequila pushers to fuck themselves too? The blatant duplicity by pushing this as some kind of high school project is quite creative if brazenly immoral and unethical. Too bad those morons at Rockaway Brewery and Slate Property couldn’t pull this same bait and switch grift when they tried to open a beach on a dirty poisoned lot in Ridgewood a few years back.

This fucking tropical dump is on the goddamn starfuckers occupying City Hall. All of this, and anything that has emanated from the skulls of any elected and appointed officials in the last 2 decades, make no damn sense at all.

But mostly it’s on the hipshits that love this luxury poser lifestyle shit and flock to it like the oblivious lemmings they are that a market exists for this. (Remember Frye Festival?). Only a demographic this stupid can make something culturally universal and commonly frugal like Mexican Cuisine into high end dining.

The only way this gets fixed is not to put an end to it for using a city emergency resource to justify it’s existence, for it’s going to be going on for four months and another four next year, but to actually open it up to everyone that wants to go in and enjoy their food and drinks, but mostly want to sit in the cool shade provided by the plumage around them since the majority of the humans in New York can’t afford their asinine prices.


It’s clear why they need all that isolating dark mesh to begin with, to block out the inconvenient ugliness of poverty and traffic. This tacky faux gilde age jungle is nothing more or less than a symbol of the induced gentrifcation going on your city and in metropolises around the world. Yes, world.

Open it up for the community like these water raiders promised they would. Hell let the homeless in too so they can rest somewhere nice for a while and maybe enjoy the amenities that regular hard working, stagnant wage earning people never have had or ever will have access too. And even get some gardening lessons in the meantime.

Thanks for your concern, Gitano Group. Every citizen of the five boroughs are looking forward to your contribution to this vibrant, diverse city.



It looks like the proprietors and their venture capital investors had to use their own cash to spring for a new water resource:


Let that be a lesson to ya, mostly to the shit-for-brains starfuckers at City Hall for approving this appalling nonsense and initially ignoring the siphoning of the city taxpayer’s water.

You’re welcome.



The Bicycle Grief

NY Daily News: Dockless bikes headed for Coney Island and the Rockaways

City officials said Thursday that dockless bike-share companies will operate this summer in a few far-flung neighborhoods that don’t have Citi Bikes zipping by.


Starting in July, the city’s dockless bike-share pilot program will roll out in Coney Island and the Rockaways. Later in the summer, residents in the Bronx near Fordham University and Staten Island’s North Shore will get dockless bikes, giving the boroughs their first bike-share system. The city’s wants to put in 200 dockless bikes, some with a pedal-assist feature, for half-hour trips.

“We are bringing new, inexpensive transportation options to neighborhoods that need them,” Mayor de Blasio said in a statement.


That’s right citizens, tarting tomorrow in July, the city run by Mayor Bill de Blasio with the Department of Transportation (and certainly induced by agent of the city Transportation Alternatives CEO Paul Steely White and the REBNY overlords) is about to unleash a vibrant new transportation option for traversing the landmark boardwalk in Coney and the eroding coast of Rockaway with the brand new and quite risky dockless bike share service.

According to the N.Y. Post, the Daily News and AMNY, the contracts were given to 12 entities (!!!) including newer models provided by existing ugly bike provider Citibike. Why Citibike couldn’t just put the docks and bikes they already make and release in the city and the fucking expensive parts of Brooklyn for this incoming deluge of course looks stupid and wasteful and doesn’t make sense, but nothing has been making sense for quite a damn long time in New Fun City 2.0.

By the way, some of these bikes will be boosted with electronic motors. Like these hideous orange ones manufactured by JUMP being ridden by these two neo-maxi zoom dweebies below:

These motorcycles, or more appropriate title could be pussycycles and the 11 other companies will be located then activated by fucking apps so you can go to your merry little way for about one of two bucks a pop depending on how far you’re going or how long you’re riding whichever comes first. This dockless bikeshare being forced on the public is supposed to be a temporary thing, so it’s basically the city using the towns as specimens in a big labratory for what’s on it’s face a big competition between obnoxious startups. For this surely will be interesting to watch and then unfold into unsightly chaos.

One thing I notice with a majority of shCitiBike riders is that they ride real reckless and fast at times and I think it’s not only attributable to what selfish reckless assholes they are but they may be trying to get it to the dock in time at the allotted time they pay for to avoid being overcharged. What’s going to happen if someone takes a little too long on the dockless bikes, do the bottom bracket, wheel axel or pedal crank just freeze up and then you got to dismount? For that may be the reason why it has been clearly a bad idea in China:


Although there will be a limited amount of bikes, only 200 in each area to start, bikes being left against storefronts or homes, or prone on the sidewalk or boardwalk, strewn on dry grass areas and even on the beach will be a common vexing sight. Despite being eyesores, the JUMP bikes actually come equip with U locks which is a slight improvement and has an jumping advantage on their competitors. The inevitable problem that will arise will be where they will wind up being locked when the riding time is up. Probably on the gates and fences of homes and business driveways and hogging parking sign posts and bike racks making it impossible for independent bike owners to lock up their bikes to get sundries, go to the ATM or the post office. Which will lead to irritating optical and veritable two wheel junkyards like this:


Or this


Or possibly even this (yes that door did open at the next stop, spoiler alert, it fell).


So that’s what all you folks trying to enjoy a day at the beach are going to see for the nigh 2 to 3 months and areas in the Bronx and Staten Island come August when you all will see bikes ornamenting the streets and sidewalks (maybe more, you know this mayor and his bullshit frosting remedying for his disastrous and stupid programs and policies).

Mostly the main rationale for this stupid startup conundrum is to provide an alternative for the looming L train Canarsie Tunnel shutdown for all the elitist big spending dummies that are so cool for Brooklyn that turn their noses up and cringe at the thought of riding a bus and making transfers in addition to getting their adult diapers in a bunch at the thought or just the concept of making the necessary adjustments like every other common sense using citizen of NYC.

For convenience has become a luxury and privilege in this app-driven economy based town. So to the latter take this advice and watch your step and look both ways for barren idle bikes in your path and the certain scofflaw idiots on these awkward bikes that will run the reds and fancily swerve around you.

And get ready to embrace the schandefreude at our elected and appointed morons with the rainbow metal street detritus that is sure to manifest itself.


Armageddon Still In Effect: Public Enemy’s “It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back” is 30

30 years ago, Public Enemy and Def Jam released this landmark hip hop album. Without a doubt the greatest rap album ever created.

This was the Sgt. Peppers of Hip Hop albums, and it’s significance, it’s also Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Goin’ On”, which was the main goal of the band for it’s inspiration. But sonically, stylistically and aesthetically, it’s also  Sly Stone’s “There’s A Riot Goin’ On”, Jimi Hendrix’s “Are You Experienced”, The Clash’s “London Calling” as well as their first album, Prince’s Purple Rain and even Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” since it resembles and flows like a concept album. And like those albums it stands alone.

Although it was preceded by Run-D.M.C.’s hat trick of classic albums and also LL Cool J’s The Beastie Boys, Eric B. and Rakim and Boogie Down Productions excellent and raw debuts, this was the album that officially progressed the rap genre into the album format and started what is now deservedly called the Golden Age Of Rap. The album has absolutely no filler, even the instrumental breaks on the album are excellent and serve as suspense for the next tracks. Two of them, “Security Of The First World” and “Show Em Whatcha Got” actually became the basis of classic songs themselves by Madonna and Jay-Z

This album solidified Public Enemy as one of the most unique and greatest bands of all time of any genre. Chuck D’s condensed and unabashed political lyrics and innovative rapping style, Flavor Flav’s hysterical interjecting and standout personality, Terminator X’s virtuoso scratching (maybe the best of all time) and the Bomb Squad’s wall of chaotic sound and intricate sampling, mostly of white noise high pitched screeching horns, came to the forefront of this musical manifesto.

Then there is the album. Chuck D managed to combine the usual braggadocio with soapbox ranting of the ills of society being meted from government policies to the effects on the streets nationally and internationally and pervasive racism and classism that still goes on to this day.

“Don’t Believe The Hype” targeted the commercial news media, which had already compromised itself with it’s coverage (or lack) of Vietnam and it’s protests, by going after their business model of sensationalism. This song was also a prophecy of the news media’s reliance on “The Culture Of Fear” and “Fake News”.

“Black Steel In The Hour Of Chaos”, with it’s ominous Isaac Hayes piano riff, is a fantasy song inspired by Muhammed Ali’s conscientious objection of the Vietnam War, of breaking out of prison after being sentenced for refusing to serve an unjust war. “Night Of The Living Baseheads” covers the urban poverty zombie apocalypse from the crack epidemic at the time,(which is now updated with the rise of K-2 in the past 2 years).

“Cold Lampin With Flavor” is a wild freestyle solo cut by Flavor Flav followed by the band’s own DJ praise song “Terminator X to the Edge of Panic” (with an hysterical Queen Flash Gordon dicing in the beginning by TX). “Caught, Can I Get A Witness” takes on the hypocrisy of critics of sampling, being that acclaimed and seminal rock’n’roll music heavily lifted riffs from early Black blues musicians  (ask Jimmy Page). The foray into heavy metal crossover with the mindless soap program obsessive “She Watch Channel Zero” with it’s savage sample of Slayer’s “Angel Of Death” middle part (that band is actually funky). The wicked no. 7 songs on each side “Louder than a bomb” and “Prophets of Rage” and the finale “Party For Your To Fight are also anthems to inspiring protest and resistance.

But this album’s best songs were actually the singles, the detonators set for this masterpiece that came out shortly after their debut album came out during their first tour. Signals that had absolutely no choruses like the best protest anthems had. There was “Bring The Noise” (which was actually featured on a eclectic Rick Rubin produced soundtrack from the coming of age cocaine movie Less Than Zero) and the monstrous first single “Rebel Without A Pause” which exploded from college radio and into the national consciousness is arguably the greatest rap song of all time. Both songs are carried by Chuck D.’s devastating lyricism and rhyming steering the seminal James Brown Funky Drummer sample and culminating with Terminator X’s scratching and transforming that rivals any guitar shredding solo in any headbanging metal song.

Despite it’s age, which in the rap genre can be considered prehistoric, it’s relevance is still current and vital and is still felt today even in the unacknowledged song of the summer Childish Gambino’s “This Is America”. You can play this album today and come to the realization that shit hasn’t changed. The media still sucks ass, something this fucked in the head President today still brings up to his advantage. There is still endemic corruption in government, politicians are still bought more than ever before with some actually bragging about it, the states are still improperly vetting and hiring abusive cops and racism and classism are still being perpetuated in a nation more culturally and economically divided.

And because there is any band or artist making rebel music today, this album remains a political soundtrack even three decades later Now that the mass majority of working class citizens and this land that is under siege from this President and his Plutocabinet of greedy morons and a gutless Congress. A looming fascism that will not be said from  corporate networks more concerned with manufacturing consent, the budgetary dependence of morally bereft and loosely regulated giant banks, and a justice and electoral system still controlled by the influence of unlimited and untraceable mass amounts of money.

So since there is nothing out there musically to channel the rage against this existential machine. Might as well dust off this album, whatever format you have it in, and bring the noise again and again. Like MC Chuck D said…

“reach the bourgeos and rock the boulevard.”





Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Wins 14th District Congressional Primary; Good Riddance Virginia Joe Crowley

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez emerges victorious, winning 57% of the vote, trouncing her opponent and longtime political hack Joe Crowley, the alleged “King Of Queens”.

Ms. Ocasio-Cortez pulls this off despite no mainstream news media attention since her announcement to run a year ago and raising 3 million dollars less than Crowley for her campaign run. Showing that resorting to soliciting cash and then compromising to defer to the mega-doners is becoming a thing of a sordid recent past since the passage of Citizens United. This is what breaking a glass ceiling sounds like.


She brings with her a platform to bring medicare for everyone and to tamp down on the influence of Wall Street predatory-style rampant runaway capitalism in national laws and policies and the defunding of the redundant and sneaky law enforcement agency, Immigration Customs Enforcement.

As for her devastated opponent…

Congressman Joe Crowley, his guitar and the Queens Machine, 1998-2018.

Congratulations again to Congresswoman-elect Ocasio-Cortez. Outstanding campaign. Best candidate in a very long long long time. You and your righteous platform are going to be practically alone at D.C and the swamp is thicker than ever. Then there is that damn aspiring king American Gangster Trump, who thinks the people of Bronx and Queens voted for you because Joe wasn’t “nice to him”

Go get ’em kid.





Primary Congressman Gregory Meeks Out Of Office 5th District By Writing In A Vote For A Ham Sandwich. Gregory Meeks with his hands still free.

Queens, N.Y.

The problematic and one of the most corrupt elected officials in Congress, Gregory Meeks is running to maintain his position today in District 5. He is the most luckiest of tainted politicos in D.C. and a big fat ass solicitor of donor cash.

He is able to “serve” his district by living in a mansion in St. Albans that he couldn’t afford and relied on payments via a loan from an indicted realtor and a Democrat fundraiser who donated personally and laundered cash through one of his companies so Meeks could pay back the realtor. The congressman, through his elected official position and shady money lending through party donations, is basically a squatter in his own palace. He also was involved in a grift with a crony non-profit over $56,000 that was supposed to be donated to the victims of Hurricane Katrina but they never received it.

While his district is suffering from myriad problems like pollution, the biggest amount of home foreclosures in Queens and steady crime rates, he has continued to live large and lavishly at the expense of his constituency, so he has to fucking go.

He has two opponents that are not familiar for the reason that they don’t have enough money to compete, which is how the DNC and the DCCC wants it, because you know decisions were made. So instead of not voting for the unfamiliar, write in someone or even something that you are familiar with.

But I propose for the 5th district, the FIGHTING 5TH, the most qualified candidate to usurp the perpetually corrupt and useless Meeks is by writing in the blank space and vote for a Ham Sandwich.


Why a Ham Sandwich? Why the hell not? It’s not indebted to corporations and their donor money, not ethically challenged and doesn’t owe money on a house like that fat ass Meeks.

And it’s not a waste of your vote, because as someone once said, people would vote for a ham sandwich if they could, so why not finally oblige and make reality that theory*. That way if the candidate above wins, maybe they political parties will shoving assholes at us to entrust our tax dollars and dwindling faith and hope with. And maybe it will inspire more formidable independent candidates to run too.

So do your duties citizens. Don’t waste another vote. Vote for Ham Sandwich and primary that jerk Meeks out.

*Actually, the real origin was about how a prosecutor could indict a ham sandwich if he or she could, which shows that Gregory Meeks existence in Congress is mystifyingly baffling considering all the shit he’s pulled.




Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Deserves Your Vote For Congress, 14th District Of New York

Queens, N.Y.

Today is the day to make genuine social change and get rid of a perpetually useless, avaricious and selfish elected hack in Congressman Joe Crowley. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a Bronx born and bred 28-year-old woman and former teacher and waitress is outstandingly more qualified to represent the citizens of Queens and the Bronx.

Ms. Ocasio-Cortez is super informative not only on local politics and issues but also on international issues as well. Her platform is solid and will truly help this district’s working poor and middle class constituency and could possibly influence progressive legislation in the nation as well. This woman knows income disparity is getting worse and is making it impossible for people to save and advance in life. Most of all, she knows the toxic influence of money from giant corporations and dynastic wealth into politics is the priority substantial threat to democracy.

The latter summarizes the last two decades of existence in Congress of “Virginia” Joe Crowley. His nickname long known in Queens being that he doesn’t live in the borough he was elected and purports to represent. But because of excessive donor cash and nepotism, which could be why the Republican party has never put up a viable candidate to beat him. Or didn’t even bother for that rea$on alone.

So since the right doesn’t want to bother and he is a reliable bipartisan ally when it comes to whoring for one percenter donor cash, Ms. Ocasio-Cortez is attacking from the left where Joe has at the last minute embraced because of her public profile reached nationally because of a dynamic campaign ad.

After refusing to acknowledge her for a year and in the winding weeks of spring, Mr. Crowley accepted her request for a debate on television and predictably got fed his overdue lunch.

While he stammered, stuttered, pathetically pandered to his multicultural constituency and at one point accused her of supporting the owning of military grade assault weapons and bumpstocks, she dominated the majority and took advantage of the brief time of the debate (about 19 minutes!) by sticking to the relevant issues and offering legitimate solutions and got in his face about the fallacy he touts about Democrat party solidarity in fighting President Trump’s twitter based policies and ideological stands shaping government and our perception from (former) allies and embracing facism, the established influence of Wall Street and Stadium Banks ghostwriting legislation to further benefit itselves and not doing enough to challenge the gun lobby and the private equity firms that bolster the selling of the weapons he brought up to undermine her.

He has proven to be a heinous bastard and inveterate sellout. No one is more deserving of utter humiliation and destruction, the same he is meting via his fraudulent pose and pathetic pandering as a progressive and his cozy political career as an elected official. He has proven this along with his desperation to hold on to his undeserved position with vile race-baiting by claiming that he couldn’t help being born white.

Beyond all that, Crowley’s money whoring both proves that he will not do a damn thing stopping Trump’s insane and expensive policies, which he hasn’t done already, but is just like him with his duplicitous behavior, brazen lying and of course being a silver spooned fed manchild whose career is derived from good fortune nepotism.

All you have to do is look around, not only in district 14 but throughout the five boroughs and you can see the consequences of Mr. Crowley’s obeisance to his donors and obscene cronyism. Look at all the towers being built which has resulted in the rising of rents, which takes half of your paycheck away to survive having a roof over your head, look out it’s draining services and the toll it’s having on the streets and transit. Look at the thousands of homeless people forced to live in hotels after being disenfranchised from their homes and on the streets thanks to Joe’s complicity with and his major role of government’s part of the Gentrification Industrial Complex. Look at all the heroin junkies in the street and reading about those dying every day from the effects of the real gateway drug, prescriptive painkillers, another industry “Virginia Joe” unquestionably takes money from to influence his legislative duty.

Well, folks are going to have their opinions on Trump, but this is about this opportunistic irrelevant asshole Crowley here, who is exploiting that bastard’s brazen and blatant incompetence and fascism (incompetent fascism?) so he can get re-elected and continue to enrich himself and his lawyer friends and real estate, stadium bank and private equity donors (just like his elected hack peers in the McResistance)

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez knows that the we, the people make and run this nation and it isn’t going to run efficiently or smoothly when they can’t make the rent or when they are devoid of health care. And it definitely won’t run at all with a shitty version of democracy being dictated by oligarchs and plutocrats being machinated by useful idiots like Joe Crowley.

Ms. Ocasio-Cortez and her presence in Congress will give a sliver of hope for true reform in DC and this city, which certainly has the gentrification industrial complex shitting in their skivvies being that the Bronx is now targeted for hyperdevelopment and market rate rental fabrication/speculation. If not then this bald asshole will make certain there is absolutely no progress for the working poor, middle class and even scared immigrants in the process to get citizenship in this city and nation and more perks and profits for his dumb ass self.

To paraphrase a bit from Alexandria’s ad, even though she makes it starkly plain at the end, Congressman Joe Crowley only serves and listens to money. He didn’t serve and didn’t listen to the people.

Vote for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Let’s get this jerk out of Congress and destroy the corporate stranglehold and the pernicious influence of the Queens and Democrat Machines.




Just Walk Away From The MTA, Transit President Andy Byford Byford and that moment of clarity he abandoned to take the reins of the MTA, the worst fucking transit system of the universe.

Andy Byford may have just realized he is in way over his head and out of his league in his well-paid state service leadership position (yeah it’s redundant, I’m writing about the MTA again so fuck off).

President Byford is trying really hard though. He did come up with that budget study assessing that it would take $37 billion dollars to overhaul the mega-shitshow mass transit system, despite having no current idea or plan how to pay for it. I mean, he is not a bad bloke, he kind of resembles a mixture of Moby and Thom Yorke and he is a big fan of legendary new wave band The Smiths, so big that he thought it was prudent to mention and discuss fave tracks by them during a live social media style town hall with frustrated commuters complaining about consistent shitty service a while back (my personal fave by the way, is the WLIR extended remix of “This Charming Man”), but at least he has been apparently honest and straightforward.

But with recent incidents unfortunate and even optically progressive, he’s starting to sound like and resemble a harrowed Karl Pilkington, trying to cajole and persuade the public that their commutes will be fine in light and in spite of delays, dubious improvements, and potential and real time infrastructure hazards. In which all three occurred at once at Borough Hall one lazy afternoon. 

The Borough Hall station, which serves the 4 and 5 express trains, had a giant slab of plaster and concrete from the platform’s ceiling collapse on a woman, whose life was spared by the dangling lamp above. This station, which is one stop away from the gloriously renovated Atlantic Avenue Station thanks to the existence of the Barclays Arena and was visited by gubernatorial longshot candidate Cynthia Nixon on June 1, has been going through it’s own purgatory-like state of neglect by the MTA that makes the five year (but scheduled for three) upgrade at the Lefferts Blvd. Station look almost punctual and efficient by comparison.

President Byford showed up with his safety vest and his expertise and pointing his fingers at the obvious problem made clear by the exposed brick and ribar displayed above and stating that “There is evidence of water ingress. You’ve got a bit of paint peeling,” (a bit?) and “This is a very old station, at the end of the day, but we will get to the bottom of what happened.” I guess it’s a good display of transparency, but sandwiching that wretched cliche “at the end of the day”?  What the fuck you need to say that for, Andy? Really failed to reassure and salve the public there. Although it’s hard to really do damage control when the damage is a big pile of jagged plaster lying on the platform.

The woman assaulted by the MTA’s neglect made a great point how she could have been killed, but also how fortunate that it was 3:30 in the afternoon, a few hours before rush hour and school is out for summer, because certainly a group of kids would have got killed or injured at that moment.

In spite, or maybe more like passive indifference towards social media sharing by commuters and solid reporting by the now digital Village Voice, the MTA’s approach for maintaining this station has been quite an embarrassment. For all the cosmetic improvements that have graced certain stations, this is what one of the station entrances looks like a few months ago:

DaIgPUFX4AA_Elx(Jason Rabinowitz)


Speaking of such station cosmetic improvements, I mean, errrr enhancements, Byford even got a little defensive and testy trying to explain the admirably swift completion of two elevated stations in Astoria featuring more art, windowed walls, aesthetically pleasing benches, wifi and usb ports. although it also has the obligatory fuckup with a low hanging destination sign that a commuter bonked his head on.

“Don’t be fooled by the beautiful artwork and cosmetic nature,” Byford said. “These were fundamental, deep-rooted repairs that we made to the underlying fabric of the station. It’s very important.”

Surprisingly, Andy was not the slightest sussed by the utter absence of an elevator at these new decorative stations, again denying the handicapped, elderly and mothers and children in baby strollers for safe egress. A necessity that was previously a crucial concern for the overburdened transit president in his previous job in Toronto.

But the worst gaffe to come from the president’s mouth in his myriad efforts to spin these issues and pathetic attempts at damage control may have been what he said just days before the Borough Hall ceiling collapse. Andy Byford, your humble transparent public servant, believes that the presence of overcrowding does not effect the slow service of the trains. And he is/they are going to eradicate this debilitating and growing contribution in future transit reports.

This is an interesting development as well as a demented irony being that the only overhauling being done at the MTA is re-categorizing reasons and origins for horrible service, which they did rather deftly when they previously blamed it on Con Ed. Something is afoot here. Although the passengers only offense is actually paying $2.75 for crappy service and not for the notorious pace of and indifference to essential repairs to the system, most likely the tracks, the singles and now the ceilings, it is undeniable that overpopulation from the amount of people that have moved to this city and the relentless yearly amount of tourists has had a massive effect. Especially and most devastatingly on the stations in the boroughs of Queens and Brooklyn closest to Manhattan and in the metropolis itself.

Here’s proof, this photo was taken on the A train while between the Jay St. and Hoyt St. stops, and there was barely even a delay


This is the result when the train is late for less than 2 minutes. The capacity for trains at the end of the day like the F going to Brooklyn, the E going to Queens and the 6 in Manhattan, the latter a fucking local train, is where it’s actually like sardines in a crushed box and it’s in areas where the most and highest tower development pestilence has occurred. And then there is the fucking L train to northeast and central goddamn Brooklyn, where airbnb and other moronic app-based room rentals are consuming dwellings where regular folks with common sense used to occupy and definitely in buildings owned by LLCs’ where one room apartments were converted to two rooms by predatory landlords, packing in more dumb frivolous spending bodies. It makes it easy to cynically assume that perhaps the cabal/pogrom/overlords of the Real Estate Board Of New York might have had an influence in Andy’s decision (as they do with every other fucking thing to make the city impossible to afford and run your own business) to exempt the moneyed, condo-owning and arrested development types in their 20’s and 30’s overpopulation of this city from being partly responsible for these delays.

Speaking of these demographics, these people are the worst violators of commuting with their eyes constantly averted down and fingers relentlessly tapping their phone screens as they are entering the train, blocking the doors and even exiting and entering the station. And they also crowd into the cars nearest their exits at their stop, leaving everyone completely fucked as they are not able to board because of the crush of the bodies concentrated as the doors open and shut. Andys. The disappointed and the overwhelmed but still arrogant.

But what else can Andy do, the poor sod. He’s only been here barely a year and he is wracking his brain trying to fix the MTA and over a half century of incompetence, profligacy and neglect and the ramifications which seem to be manifesting all at the same time. It would have been nice to have Andy around when the MTA gave Forest City Ratner a big ass gift with their knuckleheaded sale of the Atlantic Transit Yard a decade and a half ago.

And it must be thrilling to wonder what’s going on in Andy’s mind now that these very  ramifications resulting from said profligacy by the other Andy, Governor Cuomo with his decision to accelerate the first half of the 2nd Ave Line for his New Year’s Eve party along with the 7 train extension to the Blade Runner development Hudson Yards and the billion dollar one-stop Metro-North extension to Grand Central from Penn Station. And how even the new aesthetic masonry of Penn Station and even the 2nd Ave line are starting to show cracks and debilitation. And don’t forget all those tech inspired enhancements! And the Kusciusko Bridge laser light shows!

There are many, many more that can be sited for the reason that the Borough Hall station looks like and has got the same maltreatment as a NYCHA apartment. But it’s clear that Andy Byford, admirable and courageous that he is to take on the worst fucking transit system in the universe, is not going to last long in this town despite putting up a brave front. So maybe it’s best if he just walks away and leaves it for another man or woman to deal with this festering shitshow.

There’s too much to handle, too much money that’s not available, too much bullshit, too much pain. Just walk away Andy. It’s really not worth it. This subway will never be fixed in our lifetimes and will barely be there in the future. Sorry about this fatalistic and bleak prognosis, but this is the reality all these rich, educated derelicts responsible for it have created.

If you haven’t figured it out Mr. President or are just a trusting nice guy; the MTA held off on repairing the Canarsie Tunnel right after Sandy hit because it would have interfered with the continuing gentrification and luxurification of Williamsburg, Greenpoint and the cancerous creep into Bushwick. If the tunnel was repaired like it should have been, if the MTA showed any responsability and common sense and got it enhanced, every stupid hipster and yuppie would have moved out of those aforementioned towns and the real estate magnates would have never built or bought anything and the rental and housing market wouldn’t be insanely overvalued and inflated like it is now for them to heinously profit from.

Besides, you don’t wanna be around when the L shuts down in 10 months (10 minutes to midnight ha!), because there is no fucking plan for it. I don’t think you even have one. Just admit it, believe me you’re definitely not alone. No. One. Has. A. Fucking. Clue.

Just walk away, Andy. Fuck the MTA.