Impunity City Turns Three The Hard Way


Happy birthday to this. Impunity City, my contribution to reporting on the existential terminal stasis of my/your/this city and elsewhere is three years old today. Which makes it old enough to go to the bathroom by itself and qualify for pre-k.

It hasn’t been as busy as I want it to be, readership and clicks are still low but it has picked up lately thanks to being bequeathed the Queens Crap blog and my own and overly busy twitter account (just hit 200 followers, noice). So despite my still amateurish writing skills, it’s still justified to keep this running and going. In fact, with all the stupidity and corruption going on by our exalted leaders and people of undeserved influential status, this digital publication is one of the few checks to balance out all that wretched perpetual bullshit.

So to properly commemorate this anniversary along with the entermann’s danish above, this post and all the rest of the post to everyone and I mean everyone who still reads the Crapper and all of my consistent viewers on my social media account. You all make this possible and it gives me hope that one day I might get paid for reporting on these miserable occurrences, policy travesties benefiting the most avaricious, the collective lethargic mind state of the cellphone dependent and the still predominant power structures now rapidly fucking up society.

Gratitude and salutations. Goin’ on an on and on till the break of dawn…

Still live.



Gentrification Of A Beach And Federal Parkland, The Final Chapter: Requiem For A Summer Place


Here are parts 1, 2 ,3 and 4

Rockaway Beach, Queens, New York

Well another summer has departed and the belated autumn solstice has arrived today after the climate change influenced unusual warmth of last October, so this would be the right time to document and review this years spring and summer season spent at Riis Park. And it’s not good at all and it has not ended well, as the dramatic changes that came forth with certain and way overdue (and selective) renovations took place

As the days of May got later, there actually was a itty bitty slither of hope for the people’s beach. The Riis Park Bathhouse renovation attracted more concessions and restaurant fare, as well as new food stands on the end of the boardwalk by the abandoned hospital and both were supplied with live laptop DJ’s. More food trucks were added to where the heart of the Brooklyn Night Bazaar Riis Park Beach Bazaar takes place, probably for people who do not care for the upscale foodie concept fare being sold in the restaurant inside and the stand by the pitch-and-putt course. There was also the return of the ludicrous high end slum camping concept Camp Rockaway in the dirty chigger infested backyard of the bathhouse. Volleyball courts were also added right in the next yard too for adventurous players and camp guests to play on the hard concrete. It was quite a sight to behold this year on every weekend, as people gathered to enjoy the summer breeze, sharing the company of diverse races and cultures, and extravagantly overpriced fast food, beer and cocktails. Vibrancy in action I believe it’s called.

It probably would be better conveyed and illustrated with pictures:





It’s not exactly Coney Island, but it’s adequate enough. Especially in comparison to a decade ago when there was absolutely nothing here until a bunch of Brooklyn entrepreneurs and hipsters “discovered” it. The beach even has a cellphone tower now placed at the “abandoned” Neponsit hospital for all the foodie denizens instagram addictions. There is also app pay service for ordering, so I guess e-motorcycle delivery guys zipping on the boardwalk cutting people off is not a far away prospect.

So now it’s an actual destination spot, which is still pretty hard to believe since the Federal Parks Service didn’t give a fuck about this place for near a half century and let it rot for years. It’s even more surprising that the Bazaar folks and the hipster demo even found this summer place interesting considering it was the default garbage dump for all the neighborhoods destroyed property after Hurricane Sandy hit.

Even the Riis Park clock, which although still ticked and barely survived Sandy’s pounding, suddenly got a major overhaul at the beginning of the summer and now it’s faces glow in the night.


But progress is progress and even though I personally have never purchased anything at the Riis Park Beach Bazaar and avoided their rip off overpriced artisan fast food and cocktails and marked up rancid craft and commercial brand beers and only went by there to use the toilets, I admit seeing business activity like this was good to see. Even if it was just prototypical upscale lifestyle bullshit.

But something was missing from all the free market vibrancy going on the boardwalk. Somehow all the restorations and renovations and all the upscale prices that went into providing a venue for the bazaar did not transfer to a very essential part of beach and parkland that was already a big attraction. In fact it was the only vibrant destination spot before the natural disaster of a category one hurricane and the unwelcome appearance of gentrifiers hit the people’s beach (yes, I’m aware of the irony that gentrifiers are people too) and that is the picnic and grilling area.

This would probably be better illustrated and conveyed with sadness with pictures:



Before that bitch Sandy came, it was arguably the best and most spacious grilling area in the city. Despite how small it looks, it had ample space and plenty of tables and grills for anyone that showed up anytime. It also had a lot of wind swept trees from the powerful Atlantic Ocean winds that gave the picnic area a cool presence and a visual wonder of nature.

But where are the goddamn tables? This is a federally tax payer subsidized picnic area.

Usually they get moved around by people for their cookout parties but there used to be a lot more out here. A lot more. It’s darkly amusing though pretty annoying that the Riis boardwalk has tables while the picnic area barely as any especially this year as the people brought more of their own chairs and tables than ever before. So National Parks apparently feel that the people actually making an effort to come to the people’s beach is not as worthy of table provision as the people that show up for the fucking beach bazaar. It should be noted that the people who grill out here are way more diverse than the bazaar people, ranging from African-Americans, Spanish people from Puerto Rico and South America, the Ukraine and Russia and even a few Italian-Americans.

A lot of the grill areas visitors also brought their own grills, as what looks like about 30 of them got destroyed and were never replaced (even from last summer too). All that are left are ashen stumps.


To compound this offensive slight of an essential park area for citizens, the National Parks Service also decided not to provide the picnic area with ash cans to dump the hot coals in, leading people to dump mounds of smoldering coals and dust to pile up on the few grills left standing. Also noticeable is the lack of garbage cans too.


There is something going on here and it’s appalling. Because what we got here is obvious discrimination and blatant inequity of parks amenities. Because the people that use the grilling area are not going to go to bozo bazaar and waste their money there when they already spend it on their own food and booze that they hauled all the way from Brooklyn and Queens.

Although this was evidently done by vandals, the National Park Service helped destroy this grill area. Classic demolition by neglect. Although by the ways some of these grills look and how many are gone (even by the gazebos), it looked like it was done by malicious force. The tables that were once here have vanished gradually during the years as the amount of tables on the boardwalk gradually grown.

This is a pretty shitty way to distribute public space. In a way, this is similar to the whole “affordable housing” concept of building expensive apts along with lower rental ones for the baseless rationale that poor places can’t exist without rich spaces. The bazaar being the 80% market rate and the grill area being 20% affordable. And the results of where the exclusivity lies is brazenly apparent.

But really what happened? This is the people’s beach right? How could the NPS and even the Riis Park beach bazaar let such discriminatory maltreatment of green space occur. And with the prices they charge for their artisan fast foodie fare and pretentious cocktails which the average person spends about $100 during the day consuming and along with the existence of an idiotic luxury lifestyle campsite, how come none of that money as translated to the upkeep for the grill area? Or even to other area of the park like the baseball field and the nearby handball, tennis and newly painted shuffleboard courts?



There is something foul afoot with the beach bazaar, which in fact doesn’t even resemble one since real bazaars are dense with concessions and tent stores and games while this is set up in isolated areas far from each other. Another reason for the dubious profitability to justify the existence of this is that the organizers and promoters had their own Brooklyn Night Bazaar kicked out of a catering hall because they couldn’t afford the rent. This is the second time they got kicked out of the borough that they are responsible for gentrifying. Is it possible that the effort by Gothamist to help their Brooklyn transient comrades by writing a wretchedly and laughably pathetic journatisement post on Camp Rockaway didn’t help at all? Apparently not, because the proprietors of CR had to distribute discount coupons (and it looks like they had to skimp a little on the ink at the printers shop too)


But I digress. Actually no all this is relative. The Riis Park Beach Bazaar is a failure and it’s clearly still being enabled. There are obviously some investors behind them that have bigger plans for Riis Park. And it surely involves privatization. Because what the grill area looks like now is ripe for plunder. The grill area is practically barren now and it looks ripe to be usurped for obnoxious commercial promotion events and dickweed startup networking functions.

It doesn’t have to be this way but it’s inevitable, for park privatization is spreading everywhere supposedly because the funding isn’t there to maintain them. And the Riis Park grilling area appears to show that there still isn’t funding for it, although it’s blatantly obvious that it’s being ignored on purpose. Every year gets worse over there, NPS clearly is trying to discourage citizens from using it and presumably their are vested interests to make Riis a luxury destination given the other changes and distressing developments happening on the Rockaway peninsula



Despite years of warnings and universal scorn from the citizenry of the five boroughs the scourge of gentrification of wanton hyper-development, real estate market speculation/fabrication and the mindless frivolous spending demographic they attract are not going to fade soon and it looks as if it’s going to spread faster instead of gradually now.

And it’s more than certain that is going to happen one of the best summer places in New York City in the borough of Queens (although I think a lot of these newbs think it’s in Brooklyn). For now, I will concede defeat and let the Riis Park picnic go. Which sucks because I love grilling out and I make kickass BBQ burgers. This glorious place was the easiest to get to on bike, despite only a few uphills on the two Cross Bay bridges, it takes less than an hour to get to Riis even while making a stop to get food and Yuenglings at Waldbaums.

But now it’s over. At least writing about it’s slow death is.

Goodnight Riis Park.
















John Conyers, 90, U.S. Congressman, Michigan!/quality/90/?

Elijah Cummings, 68, U.S. Congressman, Maryland

John Witherspoon, 77, Comedian And Actor

Bill Macy, 97, Actor, Television And Theater

Robert Forster, 77, Actor, Film And Television

Larry Junstrom, 70, Bassist, 38 Special And Lynyrd Skynyrd

George Chambers, 88, Bassist, Chambers Brothers

New York City Council Bestows Upon Their Constituents The Four Borough Tower Prisons

Screenshot_2019-10-25 Lord of the Rings The Two Towers (German) 11x17 Movie Poster (2002)(1)Screenshot_2019-10-25 Lord of the Rings The Two Towers (German) 11x17 Movie Poster (2002)Renditions of most recent “design build” phase of the tower prisons in the Bronx, Queens, Brooklyn and Manhattan

Kew Gardens, Mott Haven, Boerum Hill, Downtown Manhattan, New York

The votes are in and the ground breaking will commence pretty soon for the four tower prisons in four boroughs of NYC. 8.7 billion dollars will be set aside to build these monstrosities in about 7 years so the isolated prisons and jails on Rikers Island will be summarily shut down.

This is what the citizens of the four boroughs were told by our elected know-better know-it-all’s in NYC City Council who cast their votes for it, their leader and Speaker Corey Johnson and that notoriously lazy big-footin’ Mayor de Blasio. Cojo guaranteed us that what will bring forth with these four majestic tower penitentiaries will be a more humane system as de Blasio followed him up by declaring the end of mass incarceration in this city.

So what these imbeciles claim is that buildings are the reason that the prison system is inherently damaged and not the debilitating conditions, shoddy services and perpetual continuance of crime among hardened violent prisoners along with corrections officers enabling indifference and abuse of authority inside of them that has festered in the past 80 years since Rikers was born. Supposedly, all of these factors are going to just disappear once convicts are transferred to a building with floors that resemble walking into a WeWork office.

How your city got to this “gamechanger” decision really took a lot of effort to get the result they wanted and will induce these towers on it’s citizens and future citizens of the neighborhoods of Kew Gardens, Mott Haven, Boerum Hill, and Chinatown. And it was all done with nasty machinating as de Blasio’s offices and minion aides stooped to the lowest levels of government obfuscation and secrecy to get this abomination plan passed. Like how former spokesman Eric Phillips kicked out a Patch reporter Maya Kaufman for trying to cover a community board hearing in Kew Gardens back in early March even though some other journalists were allowed to take notes inside. Ms. Kaufman also pointed out that the city was utilizing a cadre of individuals (or in this case , a pogrom) called Neighborhood Advisory Committees used to push the four tower prisons to provide optics of community participation as they were keeping the press out and minimizing dissent from actual residents of the neighborhoods they were pushing the towers on.

There was also the vile power moving made by the Boerum Hill district council member Stephen Levin, who during a closed door hearing involving government service effecting taxpayers threw up a member deference stipulation for other council members to follow regarding the land use rules of the districts where the towers were going in. So Levin was passively aggressively ordering his fellow elected colleagues to vote the way Karen Koslowitz of Kew Gardens, Margaret Chin of Chinatown and Diana Alaya of Mott Haven will vote. This was followed by the one public hearing for all four tower prisons that the city scheduled on the first days of school and also the diabolical way the city used the cops to prevent the public to attend by locking them outside for hours after the hearing commenced.

To top off the honest grafting inspired inducing of the tower prisons in those four towns, that went to the master machinator himself, Mayor Bill de Bastard (even though those four council members were going to vote for it anyway!). In the days leading up to the certain city council approval, de Blasio went into beast mode and offered honey glazed bribery carrots like affordable housing in Mott Haven, a community center, restoration of a park statue and even small business protections in Chinatown (so that’s what you gotta do to operate a small business in this town now) and a spanking total of eight more cops for Kew Gardens.

Besides the banana republic planning that went behind the effort to come to this horrid decision to shut down Rikers, the logic and the justifications behind this multi-billion dollar plan also doesn’t make a whit of sense at all. These tower prisons are supposed to be about 18 to 27 stories high (according to current estimates after the city promised to cut down some floors to “appease” some council members who have yet to deferred the four council members of the four borough apocalypse) yet they are described as smaller. They are projected to hold about 880 convicts in each one, provided that the crime rate continues to go down that there will only need to house 3,300 prisoners. All this is based on blind faith and guesstimating.

And the biggest question about these towers and the Rikers shutdown is what mass incarceration? Crime has been going down for over 20 years. They are looking at these monoliths to hold only 3,300 while Rikers currently houses 7,000 even has the crime rates remain comparably low to the 1970’s and 80’s but has remained stagnant in the last 10 years with gradual rises in serious offenses like rape, murder, assault, larceny and battery in just this year alone.

As for Dancing Cojo’s boast, it seems that besides the big windfall cash cow the developers will get from this gift from our representatives, another reason seems to be for these people to grandstand about being the first city to do this. At the expense of neighborhoods were the towers will be built and the communities they disrespected and undermined. And will eventually disenfranchise. But it doesn’t matter to all the term-limited council members who voted for the tower prisons and the core four council members who don’t live even a mile away from the monoliths they approved. Notably East Harlem resident Council Member Ayala who doesn’t even live in the same borough as Mott Haven, a town heralded to be the next Williamsburg!

Even though the four tower prisons is a go, it still doesn’t mean Rikers will get shut down. Even after the Blaz, Cojo and city council held a ludicrous hearing voting to ensure that no new jails would be built on the island ever again so they can preemptively stop the next mayor or council members to decide to expand building facilities on the island whoever they may be. Although with Dancing Cojo running and being favored to win it’s a wonder why they all bothered since he’s all for this. Because it all depends on what the future of the city will be like and currently it’s not looking good especially with how violent this October has been since they voted for the four towers to rise. And isn’t it interesting that these prisons have to be towers. It’s as if it has to be commensurate with all the other behemoth tower pestilence hyperdevelopment that has engulfed this city like festering weeds of glass and steel.

Another bothersome thing about these tower jails that will rise casting foreboding shadows on the towns is the nagging omission of the fifth borough Staten Island and why it’s exempt from having a tower there if it’s all about the humane mission of keeping prisoners close to their neighborhoods. Because according to the Corrections Officers Union head Elias Husmadeen, 13% of the inmates on Rikers are from S.I.. If you calculate it, that’s about maybe 800 prisoners, which would be sufficient enough to house in a 20 story building.

But being that these tower prisons will be under a “design build” program, the developer contracted to build them (which is Tishman Properties affiliate AECOM) can just make it up as they go along and will eventually add more stories to commensurate with any spontaneous rises in serious crimes. It actually might take longer as Rikers will continue to be a horrific place and will certainly get worse and more crowded.

We can go on and on and on and on about what this 8.7 billion could have obviously went to besides “more humane” tower prisons. Improving humane living conditions in public housing buildings and homeless shelters, both of which will be continued to be deterred for another 6 fucking years by this goddamn city.

de Blasio also spoke of redemption about closing Rikers, in fact Mayor Repetition said the word 3 fucking times, as if redemption comes with denying the wills and rights of the constituents of Mott Haven, Kew Gardens, Chinatown and Boerum Hill who universally did not want these towers in their neighborhoods casting ominous shadows over them. But after he shows up at the ceremonial groundbreaking of the first tower prison, he’ll be long gone as that one and the three others get built in the unfortunate four neighborhoods which will become blighted with more traffic from street obstructing bollards for the machinery and environmental damaging conditions from the noise and soot from the construction of the prison towers. Which will be overseen by the next sap to get the keys to City Hall. And if it is Mayor Cojo, he’s not going to be dancing and leaping that much when all these utopian visions put forth by these tower prisons won’t pan out like he and the other city council clowns who voted for this shit all hoped it would (or hopefully not at all, for his defiance of the public’s rejection should end his political career).

Till then fellow citizens of New York, send your thoughts and prayers in solidarity to the towns of Kew Gardens, Mott Haven, Boerum Hill and Chinatown. Because if these towers aren’t sufficient to hold a growing prison population or even if more people get caught up in some shit while awaiting trial (say, from protesting), then the future city will suddenly need to find another town to build another humane tower prison.







Bill de Bastard


“This is your city”. When Mayor Bill de Blasio ran for re-election in 2017 barely a year after he dodged charges for running an anarchic pay-to-play system with corporations and agencies with municipal business with this city, this bland platitude was his campaign slogan. It looked like it was supposed to mean that his vow on his first day in office back in 2014 to end the tale of two of them had been achieved and it singularly belonged to all us New Yawkers.

As everyone is aware, it is 2019. And it’s still an inequitable fucking mess for this city’s working poor and middle class who still make it run. But it’s crystal clear who the Mayor was talking to when he said “your city” and it’s not only who you would expect by default meaning the benefactors and profiteers of the Gentrification Industrial Complex, the overlords of real estate development or even the transplants that stupidly overspend for their studio and one bedroom apts (and gut converted tenement ones in their portfolios). Nope. The one he was talking about was himself, Bill de Blasio.

Since his farcical presidential run ended, Bill has been a real huge dick lately. Actually it was just a week before he decided to terminate it, when he went on WNYC for his weekly Friday bloviating interview with the sappy host Brian Lehrer. A citizen called in concerning the affordable housing program that he runs has not made it out to the lower income earning people or the ballooning homeless population that need it the most. And this is how this monster responded:

“We can’t just do affordable housing for the lowest income folks,”

Now I have been thoroughly critical of this mayor since the start of this digital publication 3 years ago mostly because of what his morally bankrupt decisions have had on his constituents, but with that tone-deaf statement and with yours truly being a full-time working poor low income folk, now it’s fucking personal.

Because this goddamn Mayor, along with the Housing and Preservation Dept and the Economic Development Corporation with this affordable housing scheme has made it officially impossible for me, lower income and homeless folks to get a decent place to live. And in a town of our choosing.

Just recently city adverts for a new “affordable housing” tower in Fordham Manor in the Bronx showed studio apartments going for about $475 for tenants to pay 30% the AMI (area median income), while studios in apartment buildings like Williamsburg and Bushwick in Brooklyn go for nearly $2,000 a month for higher income earners who make about 120% of the AMI. Not to dis the Bronx but Fordham Manor and a lot towns near there still have crime happening on the regular but at least the rental value and the qualifying incomes is commensurate with what the boroughs citizens collectively earn a year. But what’s the justification for those upscale rents in WilliamBush? Those towns have public housing and plenty of rent stabilized buildings that haven’t been poached yet.

“That’s just not the reality, what you’re presenting,” The mayor also said to his call-in constituent. Au contrare you monster. There is obviously something wrong with how affordable and middle income is being defined and obviously manipulated and exaggerated and it’s being legitimizing these overvalued prices in certain areas. And it’s Because de Blasio’s “affordable housing” program is literally based on segregation and the eventual disenfranchisement against said lower income folk, who continue to languish in shitty dwellings and even homeless shelters as they await to hit the asinine lottery system your city is basing their horrid system on. All you need is an online city application and a dream.

Keep dreaming though. Because all these new apartment buildings do not fulfill the actual demand that was meant for it. The percentage of apts mostly favor the higher income bracket citizens who don’t need the city’s help in getting a place to live. But I guess the purpose for assigning 70 to 80% of apts for market rate is to give transients a hand to move into the most vibrant and hip towns where they are located.

Here’s another presentation of reality Mayor Asshole, there are over 70,000 homeless people in this city and over 200,000 vacant luxury condos according to another study that shows a quarter of these glass stick tower apts. you and your predecessor Bloomberg enabled to get built have not been sold. Although a majority of these apartments were sold aren’t even lived in most of the year. So instead of trying to end the tale of two cities, you’ve caused about 6 new cities to get built.

It’s not just the poor people that de Blasio is trolling either, it’s also the middle class looking to buy a house and maybe have desires to plant generational roots in your city. I don’t know what the source of this verbal turd that defecated from the mayor’s faceanus but it’s a vile one.

There are so many fucked up aspects to this; one is that this monster asshole owns two homes now in Park Slope and was able to get them by never having a civilian job and bought them with his taxpayer funded salaries and while he’s lounging at Gracie Mansion he is renting it out to people paying above the market rate. And number two (pun intended) this observation is not only an attempt at false sympathy to reach out to homeowners he’s ignored for the last 6 years but in actuality de Bastard is humblebragging about his good fortune acquiring his real estate treasure before Brooklyn became a world wide brand.

There is so, so much more to level this guy but they are going to be saved for future posts. And as is farcical five month prez campaign summer shown, he doesn’t give a shit. The haughtiness he’s perfected has made him seemingly immune to criticism, from the funniest to the righteous kind. And it’s not stemmed in the elitism that one develops during the job after getting elected. No, this is based on his wanton corruption and what he has been fortunate enough to get away with.

Take the recent revelation regarding the dastardly shit he pulled when he was running for re-election in 2017 (the your city campaign), de Bastard attempted to drag in a deputy mayor to meet a Dem party donor from Texas despite being under investigation for his nefarious machinating with his in office pay to play Campaign for One New York 501 (c) (4) PAC. He did wind up getting the capped donation of $4,950 from him and another $4,950 from his relative. de Bastard also “advised” his staffers to raise cash for him at a fundraiser in Miami but to cover for him and declare that he wasn’t present for any bribe and diabolically told his staffers to arrange a call with a developer who ponied up the 4,950 and previously donated $40,000 to CONY and 5 large to Blaz’s state PAC that failed to get two Democrat state assembly candidates elected. The sneakiest thing de Bastard used his staffers for was to spend campaign money to produce a video slamming his mayoral opponent Nicole Malliotakis.

This amazing display of political impunity and recidivist abuse of his power, exploitation of city service workers and barely legal donor money raising easily translated to his now legendary failed presidential run. Where he utilized his absurdly misnomered city and state “Fairness PACs to launder big money donations around like a shell game street hustler to avoid reporting the amounts and from whence they came to the Federal Elections Commission for months. Even for months before he made his official announcement to run. As his campaign got worse and worse and his polls remained steady at 0, he came to the realization that it wasn’t his time to run and decided to go back to the job he got elected to do, even if the real motive was that he was siphoning money from the state PAC for personal and travel expenses for him and his wife and son who were on the trail with him.

Cosplay candidate de Blasio managed to get over a million for his idiotic presidential campaign and wound up with just a little over $49,000. This was money that was suppose to used “fairly” to help boost other Democrat candidates and Bill pissed most of it all away in 5 months. Talk about money being in the wrong hands. But the Blaz is just as addicted to donor money as any strung out basehead, dope fiend or tweeker is addicted to crack, smack or crystal meth.

But this mayor is not qualified to have anything in his hands, including a staff of 300 city officials and control over city services that he sells out at the drop of a four and five-figure check. Especially for those that are truly desperate for it like the lower income people that this lying bastard mayor promised and was elected twice to help. His betrayal to his constituency and his brazen self-righteous corruption is brazen. Since he got away with breaking the “spirit of the law” with his heinous donor money machinating, the recidivist shit he’s done since those botched investigations has turned that spirit into a corpse that has been raped and mutilated.

“I want to live in a world where the spirit of the law is upheld over the clever diddling of loopholes”

Caitlin Johnstone

This shameless, unapologetic bastard mayor may have gotten off thanks to certain loopholes that lets him get away with his heinous double dealing pay to play government and real estate conspiracy operation. He has absolutely no boundaries and it’s fucked up that he is going to be in control of this town for another two years as it turns into a dystopian Blade Runner towered wasteland obscuring the poverty and rising crime growing on the streets…

….of your city.








Vision Zero Study Enables Cellphone Junkies Habitual Obliviousness


In A New York, New York State Of Mindless

Something crawled out of the bowels of Mayor de Blasio’s Department Of Transportation not long ago that shouldn’t bode well for this city. Or state. Or this nation and planet and society at large. It is an incredible and retarded study about how citizens habitual cellphone usage while walking on these busy streets is not hazardous.

Seriously guys and dolls:

NY Daily News

Texting, checking email, Googling that restaurant across the street or just looking for your destination on a map factored in just two pedestrian deaths from 2014 to 2017, says a report by the city Department of Transportation.


Those two deaths were just a drop in the bucket compared to the 534 pedestrians who were killed on city streets during the four-year span.


One of the cell phone users killed in a car crash during the study period was texting, and the other was reaching for a device dropped in the street, DOT researchers found.

“DOT found little concrete evidence that device-induced distracted walking contributes significantly to pedestrian fatalities and injuries,” the eight-page report states.

A better way to improve pedestrian safety and save lives is cracking down on dangerous drivers, the DOT report says.


As smartphones rapidly grew in popularity, state lawmakers in 2017 passed a law requiring the DOT to look into “distracted walking.”


Though the DOT found the legislature’s concern was a non-issue, its report noted that the city is campaigning to encourage young people to be alert as they cross the street.

But the real problem, the DOT said in the report released Friday, is speeding cars.


“The best way to address distracted walking, and all forms of distraction, is by creating a road environment focused on speed management — where vehicles are traveling at a safe speed so that crashes can be avoided, and when crashes do occur they are not fatal or severe,” the report said.


Not even not much of hazard. Nothing to fear or fret to repress you from typing vapid texts you can just verbally tell someone on the actual original function of the cellphone. No symbolic meteor like a car or a bike, a street gang or a yelling crazed derelict coming your way crashing your social network universe feeding as you post a photo on Instagapchat or troll some message on Twitter, Facebook or Reddit. Zero.

Funny I mentioned zero, because this report was written in association with de Blasio’s ineffective Vision Zero program for safe streets that has not prevented zero deaths or accidents at all.

The report itself is incomplete since it spuriously compares cellphone accident data with regular vehicular and pedestrian accidents and looks like it was gathering dust somewhere for a while since it was completed in 2017 and the data compiling cellphone usage accidents only goes up to 2015 and despite the low amount of fatalities tabulated, they actually went up. But it does point out cellphone addicts utter irresponsibility feeding their texting and continuing scofflaw pedestrian habits by not paying attention to signals. It also devotes a few pages to what the city does best, producing PSA videos, awareness campaigns and vibrant social events to promote awareness, which is the only thing this city seems to excel at.

The reason for releasing this study 2 years later is not only because of the usual delaying of information concerning the citizenry that has been expected of the de Blasio administration but because of the city’s redesigning of the streets to “calm” vehicular traffic. Everything about this study puts the onus of responsibility on the driver instead of the cellphone junkie who can’t put the goddamn phone down for even a second. Imagine you’re driving approaching a stop sign and once you think it’s clear, some imbecile materializes with little white sticks in his or her ears while diddling on their screen keyboard to test your defensive driving skills and your brakes.

As the study attests (and the sensationalist way the NY Daily News reports it) this could lead to cordoned off lanes and street corridors strictly for walking cellphone usage. This shouldn’t warrant any city planning that might get inspired by it, although it looks like it already has. What else can explain the justification for the all the LinkNYC kiosks and wifi in the subways and buses? Maybe NYC has a plan to build utopian villages reliant on oblivious cellphone navigation, like what Google’s trying to do in Toronto with their frightening Quayside project (or even in the newly christened Hudson Square on Soho’s west side).

It isn’t like nobody is aware of what the streets look like these days when you compare it to just a decade ago. 99% of the citizenry owns a cellphone and possibly 98% of commuters just can’t put it down. And you wanna bet that the people who did this study consist of them too? Especially the corrupt moron mayor and his equally oblivious cult of over 300 staffers and aides. Along with the editors of the NY Daily News who did this story. There must be a bias and a collective guilty conscience going on here.

Surely the main reason this study was recently put out besides the aforementioned theories concocted in this post is that the more people are on their cellphones, which the city hopes will be even more now that the DOT are telling them they are not responsible for their addiction, is that as long as people are on their phones, the web services will continue to make billions from advertising that will be viewed by the celly fiends then from the data revenue produced by and will easily usurp from them.

The cellphone junkies of all ages, while not strung out or filthy, are no different than addicts of meth, heroin, crack, coke or opioid pills; they all selfish people who prioritize their needs and wander around in a hazy daze. Sure not that many celly fiends are getting killed now, but just wait for it. Then when some imbecile is texting some banal shit to his acquaintance or on the twitter, or watching an amazon show or playing a app game and then gets clobbered by an approaching car, train or bike then you will see the inevitable clusterfuck belated outrage of city officials suddenly decrying cellphone overuse. Followed up by a new old study critical of it too.

Until then, and if there are people reading this walking right now, pick your stupid fucking head up and read it later when you’re sitting on your ass.

And to deBlasio’s DOT, why don’t you do a study regarding pedestrian and accident data on walking and chewing gum since you’re gonna waste our time trying to normalize stupid behavior like this?






Joseph C. Wilson, 69, U.S. Ambassador, Iraq War Justification Debunker Who Didn’t Find Any Evidence Of WMD’s In Iraq Nor Any Weapons Deal They Made With Another Nation!

Ginger Baker, 80, Drummer, Cream, Blind Faith, Masters Of Reality

Jacques Chirac, 86, President of France, Iraq War Dissenter

J. Michael Mendel, 54, Producer, Television, The Simpsons, Rick And Morty

Diahann Carroll, 84, Actress And Singer, Television, Film And Theater


Rip Taylor, 84, Comedian, Game Show Guest

Robert Hunter, 78, Songwriter, Grateful Dead

Kim Stattuck, 56, Singer, Guitarist And Songwriter, The Muffs


Ming, 19, Tiger, Harlem Apartment Pet

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